a heart overflowing, a brain of mush.

Friends! My Dear and Wonder- Full Friends,

How anxious I am to use this blog again as a means to keep each other posted on our summers! I was so pleasantly surprised to see miss Hannah Vee already jumping on the blogging band wagon, way to go dollface! Your posts make my heart smile.

Well, I have less than 2 hours of free time left and if I am honest - I hate to spend it on this computer so I am going to try and make this post speedy, yet worthwhile. So here goes:

Trip ended on Friday and I have been soaking up the little bit of free time we have. After much gear cleaning and what seemed like endless debriefing, the time was finally mine. I spent it moving into the dear red wolfjaw cabin, writing letters, talking to my mom, doing laundry at the laundromat! (I have a secret admiration of laundromats.. they seem so magical to me.), getting to know these fine friends who I will be working with all summer, and relaxing - I am hoping to get in some really good reading and thinking and writing before 5pm because my mind still feels a bit like mush. Last night I went to Nate Hausman's favorite pub with Tom, Rebecca (who were visiting!), Nate Mori, and Dan. It was such a delight. I felt a little bit like an after-thought invite but the time proved to be entirely worthwhile. Nate and I shared in such honest and genuine conversation and I walked away feeling so grateful once again for friends who live with such integrity. Somehow conversations with Nate Mori always refresh me in unexpected ways. Fortunately he is sticking around until about June 16th and that makes me so happy.

Beyond that, I finished my first trip as a Sherpa! CRAZY! My friends, it was crazy, absolutely crazy. We started out with 6 participants (3 boys, 3 girls) but one girl could not do the trip because of really specific dietary needs. In hindsight she was probably the most solid participant in the group and we were sad to see her go. So the 7 of us set out for the high peaks and the absurdities did not end until they got on the bus to go home. Imagine a group full of class clowns, and that is about what we were working with. We wrestled every day to have a serious conversation, we wrestled to get them to think, to get them to articulate thoughts that weren't jokes, we wrestled to get them to be quiet...we did a lot of wrestling. Even now Dan and I are unsure as to whether or not they are taking anything serious away from their experience, but we are praying that they are. Yes, we loved "our little darlings" as we called them in jest - but they were a challenge, a huge challenge. Dan and I wanted so badly to have good conversations, to talk about God and our purpose in the world, to bounce ideas off of each other and see them grow spiritually...and the reality is they just were not there. It was discouraging and tough, but we made it. We learned a lot along the way - and for that I am so grateful. I am grateful that I got to lead with Dan because  we really balanced each other out. Although we struggled to connect with out group, we were able to be on the same page as a sherpa pair almost effortlessly and that was so good. Not only that, but even though our group could not handle serious conversations, we were able to hike near each other and wrestle through some thoughts so our hunger for substantial discussions was not totally starved.

Some crazy things happened along the way: One night we got into camp and Nate Josephs was there doing some solo hiking! We got to camp with him two days in a row and Dan and I were incredibly thankful for the presence of normalcy in our chaotic trip. We took turns escaping to talk to  him when our group was driving us crazy. One day our participant almost died and I wish I was exaggerating. He slipped on wet moss and slid about 50 ft down a rock face, stopping himself on a sapling. By far it was the scariest thing I have ever witnessed. On finals day we almost lost our group. On solo one of our participants CAUGHT A BABY DEER AND PUT IT ON A LEASH. (Does this even sound like real life?) The boys in our group hiked in spandex and loin cloths (I was disgusted.. the day one of them put on real shorts I told him he looked good.. haha) The list goes on, I could tell you so much more.

The good thing is that the trip was so crazy that I feel more prepared for the rest of the summer. (Especially after hearing about how so many other trips were so relaxed and thoughtful and good.) So much learning is necessary but I am looking forward to growing and being stretched, even if it feels a little overwhelming. I am looking forward to calling base camp home, to living in this magical peaceful place for a time. (but I am hoping that rest is valued, I hear rumors of having little to no free time.)

Pray for me friends, pray that I would fix my thoughts completely on Christ as I feel rather disjointed. Our participants were very distracted and in some ways I too feel quite distracted these days. I long for presence of mind and wonder in the mundane. I long for deep thoughts and long conversations that edify me and make me a better human. I long for growth and wisdom, for love without restraint and questions without fear. This summer adventure is new and that is both enticing and terrifying. Pray that I would live well in each moment, that I would live faithfully and thoughtfully.

I am sorry this is scattered and quick but I have to get off of here. This computer screen is driving me crazy. I do hope you all are well and I cannot wait to hear from you!

Here's to today - find something to celebrate on this happy Sunday indeed, ok?

with a heart so full,
ashley