This is a bit delayed- forgive me- but I am really delighted to be writing to you all right now. It is a slow and summery air-conditioned- sort of afternoon. I am at my house, in the library (the front room of our house with all the books in it; temporarily my bedroom, I'll explain later) and a few siblings are nearby working on various projects.
It has been a week since the last day of La Vida, and I think it is safe to say that I have not remotely gotten over it. I feel like I used to after high school choir tours- one week of traveling, singing and adventuring with my best friends- after which I always felt so lost and disquieted. We used to call it 'tour withdraw'. Well, I suppose I have La Vida Withdraw.
And honestly, my friends, it is humbling to admit such a thing. I always presume to think I am so adaptable and strong to as not be affected by short term trips or experiences. But that is a wrong presumption for sure. Gah, I don't even know where to begin. Should I describe the trip itself? The people I got to know? What God is teaching me through it? How summer is going? I have no idea. We'll see what happens. I have decided not to apologize for rambling on this blog, because the length of my posts will nearly always lend itself to it, but simultaneously I see no harm in it as I have not yet learned how to describe HUGE things in few words. Huge words shall have to suffice.
But I will say: I love you girls; thanks for reading.
I know. I will start with describing how I was feeling going into the trip. Ok, let's go. The last week in the dorm, while very special and sweet and fun, was emotionally draining for a number of reasons. Anticipation filled me; I felt a vast presence of what was to come, but knowing so little about La Vida gave me a subtle anxiety too. The thing was, I was too on-task to really notice, packing, talking, goodbye-ing, planning, buying, calling, that when Sunday May 17th came- the day before trip- I was in a state similar to that of a bowl of Jell-o left out in the sun. That is how I felt. But without the awareness of why I was feeling so emotionally dead and gone. We had to be out of Fulton by noon, but trip wasn't till the next day. And as any amount of the "homeless" feeling gives me such great sadness, without a dorm to go back to, my brain was just not doing well. It only added great insult to gaping injury that my darling ukulele was stolen from me moments before I was going to take it into safekeeping. Yes, Sunday afternoon I felt at my wits' end; I'm sure that I made quite a pathetic picture, lying facedown on the quad for lack of a better private place to bemoan my sad luck.
(At this point I have not even begun to write about La Vida, but I think I am setting my story up like this because of the contrast of how VERY different things were only a few days later.)
So we stayed in MacInnis that night, the Monday-La-Vida peeps. I called my house and had a very comforting conversation with my mom and dad and younger sister. They empathized completely about my stolen uke and how broken-hearted I was, and I prayed and listened to Bob Dylan and felt a lot better. The Lord was so good to me. In a strange but not entirely bad sequence of events the evening ended by a few of us watching "The Importance of Being Earnast" on Netflix . Hm.
So the next day we faced the inevitable. Arriving at Jenks with trashbags of stuff and hearing who our teams were, I think everyone involved felt better, but the start of the La Vida experience is a slow one. I immediately liked my group of people (later on I came to the surprising realization that with the exception of one person, I had met every single person before!) We did a good bit of logistical work, getting things around and putting them in large backpacks and learning each others' names. Later we camped in the woods for the first time (Gordon Woods, yeah baby!) and that first day ended up being a bit of a prototype for all the others. We had packing, lunch, setting up camp, a journaling time, dinner, clean-up, and we hung out together, finding it fit to go to bed when the sun did.
And the next few days we acclimated our civilized selves to living in the wilderness...it seems so odd to have been with those people, but before I really got to know them. Memories of the first few days are extremely surreal. But even though we didn't know one another, we did get along so swimmingly, and quickly learned to be very encouraging, which was the theme of our trip. This encouragement was wonderful to have during the ropes course (very new to some of us) and the rock climb once we got to the Adirondacks.
And for the next 8 days, things continued. It might be best to skip a play-by-play of my experience in order to say that it was just really good. There had been a number of lessons that the holy spirit was teaching me, some of which came full circle or were emphasized by my time with these new people and experiences. One of them was the power of God's word. We all spoke, sang, yelled, verses of scripture to each other, so often that it blew me away. It was amazing to set our hearts on things above and experience the joy and strength of the Word. I memorized most of Psalm 25 on La Vida, which even now helps me straighten my thoughts onto Jesus.
Another lesson was that of being a servant leader. Both of these words have been popping up into my life lately; both words also scare me. After hesitatingly praying/thinking about it for a few months, Jesus gave me an opportunity to seek out what this is and try to be it on my leader day. I was both challenged and encouraged by how that day went. At any rate it gave me a lot to think about in terms of R.A.ing next year.
Another lesson was learning how to just BE. This is a huge one for me, because I am never, I mean never, content to be "unproductive", I suppose. On La Vida, especially during solo time, there is nothing to work on: no people to call, or homework to do, or dishes to wash- and so I was very humbled and intrigued by this way of living. If God exists, it's ok to just live and not always be scurrying about. He commands us to be still, after all... all this is very challenging to me, not only because I am task-oriented, but also because I find much of my worth in what I can achieve. So yeah, this is a big and hard lesson for me to learn. Crazily enough, the Lord sent this lesson at just a time when I need it most. This summer I am really not working all that much. Oh girls, this is very humbling for me. When people ask what I'm up to, it always gives me great pleasure to say just what I have been doing, the money I'm making, the papers I'm writing. And to have to admit that I need a summer of rest because this year just tired me out so much is so hard for me.
And this is the summer that I have now begun. I am babysitting, and trying to get a bit of cash, but I am not focusing on working this summer. It is so strange to say! When I returned to Lancaster I had so much immediate affirmation from everyone about the wisdom in resting and reflecting and processing in the 11 weeks I have at home. But this summer I will be doing different things, I think. Playing the 20 pianos that are stashed about our magical city and beckon to be played by old and young, rich and poor, black and white people alike; traveling to Illinois with everyone I know; watching as many kids as possible because I realized that I get the most joy from being with them; reading for once; helping with/being in my sister's wedding; running; trying to come up with a floor theme...
Like I said, I am at my family's wonderful city home in Lancaster, and for the first time in quite a while all seven of us are living in the same house. Katie is getting married next Saturday, so in the hustle and bustle of wedding plans we've all had an exciting start to the summer. This includes her living in the room that is technically mine for the summer: the basement. (Sounds nasty, sort of is. But it's also great somehow.) Anyways, I am roomless, but not really: Dad, Mom and Eliza kindly made a room for me in the library, so I get to chill in the nicest room in the house till the basement is free again. All my regrettably monstrous amount of possesions that I brought back from Gordon are stacked in the corner in an array of boxes. Oh, and on that note, I am reading three books:
A Walk in the Woods- Bill Bryson
A Pattern Language- Christopher Alexander
The Brothers Karamazov (!)- Fyodor Dostoevsky
Well ladies, I love you all so much. I will try and remember to keep you in my prayers very often, and I really hope the Lord gives you rest and peace this summer. He is holding your hand.
"The Word is very near you; it is in your mouth and in your heart so that you may obey it" (Deuteronomy 30:14)
Yours,
HJ
No comments:
Post a Comment