what happened to your FACE

Life is rich. I've really been enjoying summer. On Sunday, Ashley, me and 5 other people performed some of my songs at a concert. My dad's nonprofit, the Row House, put it on. A traveling musician and new friend of my family, Josh Garrels, was on the East coast and agreed to play a show at our church. The seven of us (new band name: Take My Bird For It) played a longish opening set for him. First of all, Josh was great. He is a hip-hop-inspired, Jesus-following man who writes genuine and lovely and groove-filled music, playing two instruments: sampler and acoustic guitar. (I know, right? Watch this. Or download his new record for FREE here.) Our group (a 5-member girls choir and my drummer/brother) had only come together once before (on the previous Tuesday,) but everyone did so well. I was really impressed by everyone's natural, raw talent, good instincts, and passionate musicianship. Once again, I was gently (yet forcefully) reminded of the Lord's goodness in providing me with friends who love music and so loyally follow me on musical adventures- which lead to other adventures, where other friends inevitably are- how, how, Lord, are you so good to me and so kind? Oh, Praise God! It was fun to perform for those 200 folks who cheered as well as clapped, some of whom came up to talk to me afterwards. Strangers! From other states! Into my music! Ashley and I were talking to a woman named Leona and I remember a brief moment of eye-contact between us that said "What?- so much affirmation- could this be happening??" After the show, we tidied the church -pushing the baby grand back against the wall, returning the pulpit to the stage, distributing the decorative balloons to willing children- and then I talked and drank iced tea with a handful of lovely people at my friend Bethany's house.

Hugely wonderful.

I had a conversation with my dear friend Julie, who lives in Virginia, today. We were talking about how good it is to be occupied, to work, to have your hands busy and your days filled. Maybe when we are more mature, down the line when the Spirit has molded us more, we will be able to sit and rest all day without becoming depressed or angry or lonely. But at this age, we both agree, we need things to do in order to be content. I wrestle with this a lot. But I think that in order to rest, you also need to work. And I love resting.

I've been working full time. This has been good. The kids I watch are: a 6-year old boy and an 8-year-old girl. (Even though my instincts are probably old school, there's no way I'm putting their names on here. Seems like an intro to a bad 90's movie where the kids end up abducted by Russians.) These kids are sometimes really chill, and sometimes hilarious. The boy got all riled up yesterday while explaining a nightmare he had to me. "I thought I woke up! But I was still in my dream. And my mom was there! But she didn't have a face- just lips! And I was like, 'MOM! What happened to your FACE!?" Later, we were at piano lessons. I let him borrow my phone to type messages on the screen so I could focus on my book (sign of a great babysitter, eh?) He typed some bizarre stuff, and then blew me away with typing this: "I love mom and dad." It was really cute, I thought. My other job vaguely involves burritos ;)

I love you all. I have thought of you quite a lot these last weeks, and am so completely grateful for this blog. Thank you, thank you, for being my friends. I'd love to end this post by asking after your prayers for me: I have become more aware this weekend that I need to pray more. I want to be in communication with the Lord more, and become more sensitive to his hourly leading- but I fail so often to talk to Him, to give Him time. Pray for me in that, friends: it would surely help. Keep writing. -hb

HAPPY FIRST OFFICIAL DAY OF SUMMER!!

well summer is officially in our midsts my friends and i am just feeling so blessed! first off i am just so thankful for each of your friendships. being back in madison i have realized how special it is to have such solid friendships full of love- so thank you all my dear friends! i am also feeling so blessed to have just returned from such a wonderful trip out west to horn creek lodge. this place is so special to me and being able to spend one week a year in the mountains with dear friends is just such a blessing. Being in the mountains is just so humbling....we are just so small and God so great, we are so weak yet God so strong and we are so trivial while God remains so steady and awesome- loving us despite everything!

So now i am back in madison and can hardly believe that it is already nearing the end of june. so crazy! i start my job at gap this week and am busy with other projects. currently i am trying to muster up the energy to drag out all my mitten making stuff. the problem is even if i try to take out one sweater to work on ten min later it looks like a bomb went off in our basement... which is not exactly a moral booster!

Despite trying to make money i have been able to fill the last few weeks with delicious food, good music, grand company and some hot and sticky weather. I have also been helping my mom with her garden, relearning french and just trying to make the most out of this summer despite the lack of friends in town. missing you all dearly. xoxo c

a lot of blue jays live here.

(i started hanging out with these crazy kids again.)

i'm sorry it has taken me so long to update this thing. summer is in full swing, my friends. i am sitting here after an extremely long day feeling comforted by the sound of bon iver and the cool air. (the weather has been perfect. ellie says it's like canada - 70s during the day, no humidity, and 50s at night...i wore a sweatshirt both this morning and this evening and loved every second of it.) anyway, the long day. i expected it, i tried to prepare for it - but still i'm wiped out. this might be short because tomorrow promises to be full again and i really must sleep. i'm quickly learning the importance of making time for me and God in the morning because the rest of the hours slip through my fingers so easily. let me back up, attempt to collect my thoughts. (i've been unsuccessfully trying to collect my thoughts for the past week so i make no promises as to how this turns out.)

after the week cluttered with complaints, my perspective has shifted. by the grace of God i am finding joy rather than disappointment. i am embracing conversations and actively trying to be present in whatever task is set before me. it's hard, it's a discipline that i slowly learn, but i'm trying. i've still been landscaping in the mornings. Fred and Eththel have both been helping recently and i have really enjoyed talking with them; they are such dear people. for a little while this kid, (ok, not really a kid- he's 26...) Mike was helping out but he didn't last long. he was a really slow worker, really slow. Ethel said i probably scared him off with my hard work ethic,.... i always scare the boys away. hahaha my afternoons have been filled with babysitting, and my evenings with mowing. as i spent today picking strawberries, going to the library, a petting zoo, and playing tag at a park - i marveled at this job placed in my lap. even though babysitting can be tough, i really am thankful to be spending another summer with the Dague children. (pictured above) they are crazy and loud and sometimes disrespectful and difficult, but they're also so sweet and funny and adventurous and for that i am so thankful. we learn a lot from each other. (well, at least i learn a lot from them - and i only pray it goes both ways.)

so, working. a lot of working i have been doing. and running. (trying to gear up for the fall...) other than that, i'm trying to squeeze in time with friends but more often than not, i'm just too tired. it's weird adjusting to a schedule so full of work, adjusting to being so exhausted that i can't handle hanging out with people after work... but it's good too. it's nice to come home and do nothing but drink tea, spend time with my family and read books.

this weekend i did run the warrior dash! believe it or not, it was a little overrated. but still crazy and fun and silly. i'm glad i did it. and incase you were wondering, mud tastes gross and gets stuck in your teeth. it also gets stuck to your eyeballs and weirds people out who are trying to have serious conversations with you, haha. (i may or may not have tripped at the end and face planted in the mud, just in time to not see where i was going under the barbed wire or the fire that we had to jump over. it was perfect timing, let me tell you.) haha it was a fun weekend though. i really wanted to put a picture on here but i can't seem to pull it off of facebook... bummer. just imagine me covered in mud dashing through the woods, laughing and tripping all the way. you have great imaginations; i have full confidence you can do that.

this weekend is our annual family reunion. we will be going up to my grandparent's cabin to reunite with nearly all of my extended family on my mom's side. it's always a really really sweet time of fellowship and i am looking forward to it a whole lot. it is always interesting and somewhat sad too though, as a lot of my family members are not seeking God and living in the full life that he offers us. if you remember, pray that conversations would be rich and intriguing to my family that does not yet understand or even want to understand our good Creator God. pray that God would speak through my family and i...and pray that the weekend would be restful and rejuvenating for all; i think we're all a bit frazzled. beyond that - pray that i would really seek God this summer, wholeheartedly. i am falling into the familiar trap of, well, the familiar - feeling that i can do this on my own, because after all i've been doing this for 20 years. (lies.) i am not making time for God, i am not letting him pour into me, i am not taking time to write and pray and mediate on scripture as i ought and it's evident. pray that this would be a priority, that i would choose God over sleep every day.

other things:

1. i found a bridesmaid dress for a good price, praise God!

2. i learned that when you dead head a rose bush, you are supposed to cut the branch back to the one with 5 leaves. (they grow in rotations: 3 leaves, 5 leaves, 3 leaves, 5 leaves...)

3. today when we were at the little petting zoo kelsea (who just finished first grade.) said, "the llama keeps doing ballet." hahahaha (it kept putting its one foot (hoof..?) behind the other to scratch itself i think.)

4. when we celebrated my grandfather's birthday at the end of may, i hung up the beautiful sweater birthday banner that you girls made for me. i plan on keeping it forever. i also hung up the little triangle banner from genny's secret birthday party in barrington ;)

well my friends, i am off to bed.

i cannot tell you how much this blog means to me, how much of a blessing it is to keep tabs on each of you and know what's happening in your little circles of life. thank you for sharing, for challenging and inspiring me. thank you for your prayers and thoughts and words. you girls are golden and i am so undeserving of your friendships. until i find a deeper, more meaningful way of saying it,

i love you.

with a heart so full,

ashley

p.s. nina, i did get side bangs of a sort.

and genny i'm glad you're loving east of eden!

and hannah vee, thanks for the post card!

The Dog Days of Summer Have Officially Begun

Buna ziua! (good day in Romanian)

My summer continues to be rather uneventful and drab on a community level, while, personally, the possibilities are bulging in every which direction, and many of these possibilities could lead to more vibrant fellowship with others if I direct these opportunities in a humble, giving way:) I received my penny whistle in the mail today, so now I will attempt to master a different type of flute which is more versatile and fast-paced, allowing for more Celtic duets with my brother on fiddle. I'm also in the very early stages of making another dress, which seems to have me in a more upbeat mood - I appreciate the whole process of constructing clothing, from the measuring to the cutting of the pattern to the sewing part. Sewing is a very good lesson in patience because I can always expect some setbacks that require thorough attention in order to arrive at the desired product.

I'm reading East of Eden currently, as so many have recommended this piece of work to me in the past (cough cough Ashley), and I can hardly put it down! I do love the characters and the descriptions of each detail, and I can't help but bring snippets from the book into conversations I have with others - a sign of a good story in my eyes. I'm also studying up on the Romanian language and history, as well as plucking my way through George Orwell's 1984, at the recommendation of the staff in Romania.

I continue to work for the lawyer, while he and his wife are off galavanting all over Paris and Normandy, but oh well... he's a nice boss. We also extracted another load of honey from the bees, as they are busy as ever zooming all over town to find the sweetest, richest nectar to satisfy their two stomachs- one day one decided to get stuck in my curly hair, causing a screaming frenzy on my part as I could hear the buzzing and was waiting for the bee to sting me at any moment, but thankfully the bee was freed without causing me any pain, whew!

I love you all, from the east to the west! Every day I look forward to reading your posts!

Genny

Fish tacos and Poppies

Dear friends,

Hello! It's so lovely to hear from all of you. Sarah, congratulations!! Babies are such a wonderful blessing!

Things haven't been too exciting around here. On Monday I had my wisdom teeth pulled, so I spent most of the week at home on the couch nursing my puffy cheeks. It was surprisingly nice. Between sleeping and eating frosties/mashed potatoes, I watched some Humphrey Bogart movies (swoon. Casablanca, anyone?), Anne of GG (of course), and Miss Potter (which is a very, very sweet movie. It reminded me of you, Sarah!), my sister read to me from The Horse and His Boy, and I spent some time just enjoying the fam.

It's been rather grey recently - June gloom I suppose, but I'm glad for it. Since being home, I've found myself longing for New England rain and the bright mossy green trees. Isn't it silly? Always wanting one when I have the other...I feel suspended between these two places, as if I'm standing on a wire between the two wanting to reach one end, but then never feeling any true sense of security when I finally do. It's strange, but I see the growth in it - the need to recognize Christ as my constant, the Lord as my home...because I've realized that moving around will probably be a part of my future, and missing is a part of life, yet no matter what changes, locations or people, He is always there, always the same.

My favorite room in our quirky house

A big part of my summer thus far has been the online May term class I'm taking - the Bible as Literature. I must say, though the work is long and tedious, I am really, really enjoying the class. Thus far we've gone through Genesis, exploring Abraham and the patriarchs, David and Saul, Jonah, Esther, Isaiah, and now Luke. It seems in every narrative in every book, there is some connection to the covenant, more particularly to Israel's role as being a blessing to all nations and restoring communal well-being. Examining my own heart, I've realized how contrary my life is to this biblical concept, especially when I come home. I spend so much time sulking over people and their supposedly misguided intentions, selfishly letting my feelings dictate my attitude towards people which is definitely no bueno. I hate that my family suffers most because of my poor attitude. If Israel was chosen to be a blessing to all nations, to work towards communal shalom and communal well-being, then shouldn't that be true for me as well?

So many lessons, and such is life =]

English Daisies from Buschart Gardens

Yesterday, my older sister, Sara, and I helped IPP (International Princess Project -Neens I thought of you the whole time! Check this out...an awesome orginization) organize their punjammies in their new office, and then to top off the day we rode bikes with our dad to get some frozen yogurt! That's one of my favorite things about summer. Then today Sara and I met up with my friend Paige for a hike. We've decided to try to do a hike every week which will give us time to not only be active and outside, but to get together since she'll be away most of the week at an internship. Today's hike was at Crystal Cove State Park, right off the coast and it was really beautiful. Lot's of delicate wildflowers and desert plants, steep hills, and a nice breeze from the ocean. It was wonderful. I kept thinking of you girls and how much I would like to share places like that with you - it's so unique to California (full of quail, our state bird, and poppies, our state flower) the part that steals my heart. Today was also the first time I've ever seen a California poppy in California...ha!

Also, I found my mom's old film camera and have been using up some film that I found. Today I dropped some off to get developed so I'm eager to see how they turn out.

If you ladies think about it please pray that I get a job soon....I've applied to so many places with no luck thus far. Pray for the capacity to love people selflessly, to think about others before myself. Pray for Lithuanian stuff...all the crazy visa things (I know how you feel Hannah!) and other preparation-al type things.

Thinking of you often,

xoxoxo

Hannah Vee

A Bradley baby?!

I just wanted to announce that my brother and sister-in-law, Robin, are expecting! We're all terribly excited, though none more so than my mother. :)

Miss you all! Here now at Gordon for Adventure Camp. Love hearing from you as always!

Much love,
Sarah

nuptial nuggets

Dear friends,

My, how much happens in a week! How often I want to write here, updating you on how and what I am doing. But, alas, here I sit on a humid Thursday afternoon, freshly showered after a long day of work, and I doubt that what I say will be either complete or as entertaining as I'd like it to be. But, that is the beauty of this blog: we can be honest, and being honest is not always interesting or cool. But being Real with one another is worth it, and you all are teaching me that. Thanks.

at the rehearsal

There was quite a jubilant wedding this weekend. (Oh, I cannot believe that my friends Jon and Claire are married!) It was on Sunday, but the festivities really began on Saturday afternoon with the rehearsal. As one of the musicians as well as a bridesmaid, my role was a bit wonky and took a lot of concentration. I played music with Ellen (a cello/music ed major at Gordon), my drummer friend Ross (and the groomsman who I walked with) and my friend Gordie, who plays guitar. Practicing the wedding was fun because we were outdoors, the weather had broken into a glorious cool breeziness, and so many of my loved ones were there. The entire weekend was so delightful: the weather topped off the vast and lovely evidences all around us of Claire's hard, hard work at preparing for this wedding. The tent and the barn were so beautifully decorated. It was like there was literal love and care, everywhere around us.

Brittany holding up a mirror while I plucked my eyebrows (no fun.)

Even though I had to play music, I was never nervous or doubted that it would be fine. I had such high confidence in Ellen, Ross and Gordie that I just looked forward to it. My accordion strap did break, though, the day before the wedding; along with putting on make-up and fancy clothes with the other bridesmaids, Sunday morning found me repairing it with needle and thread. Friends, Claire looked so beautiful. When she walked from the woods, down the field and into the tent after being preceded by her friends, the music and the moment were very powerful. She was smiling and walking with her mom and dad, and it was sunny and everyone stood up and gazed at her like she was a queen. Don and Karen from The Innocence Mission- Claire's forever favorite band- were there to play for the processional and recessional, and their music created a sweetness and jubilation unmatched by even our wild expectations.

as the bridesmaids were hanging out waiting to process

the ridiculousness of the groomsmen was strangely endearing

Between the service and the reception in the barn, people hung around or lolled in the grass, eating hors d'oeuvres and chatting. Ross and I played some more music under the tent and friends sang along. I noticed there was a great amount of younger kids and babies around, including my sister Eliza's nephew Jack Lewis, who is just a peach. He is one year old, has a round head, and loves Eliza. I could hardly stand it. I could hardly stand any of it, I felt so blessed to be with my friends, witnessing the great event of a marriage, in a grassy glen. And we feasted. And heard toasts (Morgan, my friend/neighbor, was the maid of honor and she gave a speech that was very touching.) And got silly photos taken with chalkboard messages for the newlyweds. And ate cake. And, at the very end, we danced.

her name is Claire Porter now

Monday was also full of that rich, free feeling I'd enjoyed all weekend. But with Tuesday came humidity, and realizations of things that are quite bothersome and sad. Like, my workplace, which is akin to a science fair project that its maker has long since abandoned. And this show that I'm playing next Sunday that I feel ill-prepared for. And the inevitable summertime stress of school loans. And silly complex Visa-ish things for Lithuania. And my own sins that have been lately revealed to me: not showing my mom and dad love, interrupting, gossiping, lack of self-control, selfishness. Last night I finished work, where three friends had joined me to hang out while I closed the shop alone, and instead of treating them with love and gratefulness for their being with me, I was snappy and negative (and, of course, ashamed). All of these issues were crashing down around me and I couldn't find the humility to give them to God.

He was really merciful, though. Even before work last night, He gave me the gift of an encouraging time with Ashley. We roller-bladed around her street and talked. It was super hot outside, but it was so good to be with her (thanks, friend.) And today I babysat all day but was able to run around in the fountain, do some therapeutic housework, and read Harry Potter. Tonight we're having Monopoly night here at my house, so I'm excited about that. I don't know what the Lord is teaching or doing in all this. Maybe just stamina, trust... these basic things that help the Christian life. But I'd appreciate prayer that I'd give to God these things that so tempt me towards doubt and fear.

Thanks for writing friends, and thanks for reading. You all are great! I am so proud of each one of you. Keep running the Good Race.

Love and Prayers,

HJB

well hello my dear friends! i am back at last and it just makes me so happy to be able to read about how all of your summers have been going thus far! i am realizing how spread out we all are- so crazy! so here is a quick update of the past few weeks...things that have happened, things that are about to happen as well as a few things that just make my heart happy!

. the peonies were in full bloom for my arrival home- total bliss

. the comfort of home has taken hold of me again and i am relishing in the fact that i get to hang out with the fam for the entire summer this year

. la vida was splendid- lots and lots of rain but such a great trip. the highlight for me was having a baby deer come up to me on my solo!

. monday night two of my dear friends from new zealand made a stop in madison as they continue to drive across not only the states but also canada! talk about one crazy road trip!

. on friday my family leaves for colorado to go to the same family camp that we have been going to since my mom was in middle school!

. yesterday it was 101 degrees and lots of humidity! lets just say that my hair is having a hay day...its totally out of control!

so there's my quick update. i have not dragged out my camera yet but hopefully i will have some happy summer photos to share and more news to tell.

missing you all my bosom buds

xoxo c

Bison and Tawny Frogmouths, among other things

<- Home sweet home: my dear room with its "frightening" wall of portraits.

My sister says it’s because I’m an introvert—and I tend to believe her. I love being home, well, stationary. Travel and adventures are always intriguing, but I love the simple adventures of settled folk, surrounded by people I love and a dog running around licking people and begging for food on the sly. I’m a home body at heart and, at the end of the day, it’s where I regain my energy and can truly settle down, laugh, and be completely me. Which brings me to the thought that perhaps it isn’t that I prefer not to travel or to see new things, but rather the difficulty I find with always seeing places and meeting people who I will never really know.

Well, at any rate, while my first week at home was full of rest, tea, crafts and sewing, this next week has definitely made up for it in going out, entertaining, and DOING things. And, despite my thoughts above, it has been wonderful, fulfilling—though sometimes also exhausting.

I was supposed to meet my friend Topaz for a late coffee after her long work day in the world of corporate and cubicals. La Piaza was just closing when we met up there, so we decided to walk along the deserted streets of Wheaton, ending up on a park bench where we lingered for hours. It was such a beautiful, warm summer night, windy and refreshing after a hot day. Topaz is one of those friends I’ve had ever since I can remember, who has seen me at my worst. Over the last several years we haven’t kept in touch and have grown apart. But Tuesday night we were able to pour our hearts out to each other with more depth and love than we ever have before. I was struck dumb with the realization of the incredible presence she had been in my life since the very beginning up until now, and so humbled by her love for me and the encouragement and wisdom she gave.

Looking back now, I can see how God used our time together to encourage and prepare me—not simply to be packed away for some unforeseeable future, but for this very week—for right now.

Yesterday morning, I read Psalm 4 and was suddenly impressed with the need to memorize it. I confess I haven’t been in the habit of memorizing Scripture for quite awhile, but Topaz and I had talked about the importance of having it inside our hearts to reflect and pray throughout the day. It’s a short Psalm, so over breakfast I memorized and recited it a few times.

I met up with my friends from high school later that afternoon and was really looking forward to seeing them, but throughout the outing I felt as though I was fighting within myself, struggling to listen and love and celebrate them while finding that so many things that I believe and stand for they despise. I just kept praying and meditating on that Psalm. When I arrived back home I felt discouraged and very disappointed with myself. It was really hot and muggy outside, the mosquitoes were dreadful and I started mowing the lawn. After the grass was cut, I had agreed to meet them at friend’s house for a bonfire, and I really didn’t want to go. I thought about this as I pushed the mower back and forth. And then, I heard the thunder come rolling in and light drops of cool refreshing rain. I stored the mower in our little shed and stood outside watching the storm. It was so beautiful and refreshing and the smell was so cleansing! It was such an encouragement, such a blessing, and I think now how very much like Jonah I can be. The storm, like the shade God provided for him as he dreaded so very much the city of Nineveh. It was very encouraging and I found myself praising God and suddenly filled with so much energy. I put on my running shoes, grabbed my harmonica and started down the street to meet my friends for an adventure of toasting marshmallows and drinking raspberry lemonade. I hadn’t gotten very far when, putting the harmonica up to my lips, and trying to keep my gait, played as best I could “You are my sunshine.” I’m quite certain I looked rather ridiculous running down the street gasping in between the notes, but it was so much fun and I was laughing so hard, trying to fathom how wonderful, how completely good and merciful God is.

“Hear me when I call, Oh God of my righteousness! You have relieved me in my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer…put your trust in the LORD. There are many who say, “who will show us any good?” LORD, lift up the light of your countenance upon us. You have put gladness in my heart, more than in the season that their grain and wine increased. I will both lie down in peace and sleep; for You alone, O LORD, make me dwell in safety” (Psalm 4).

Eager to hear from you, missing you, and love to you all!

Sincerely,

Sarah

P.S.

I did go to the zoo—which was such fun! I saw bison! And all sorts of other incredible creatures. I wanted to mention for you especially Hannah Vee, with your love for birds, two that inspired me: The splendidly quarky Tawny Frogmouth and Trumpeter Hornbill.

wilderness here I come

So tomorrow I leave for a wilderness trip.

But before I talk about that, how about photo journey of the past week in New Jersey:

Gardening with my mom. Basically I took pictures of pretty flowers while my mom did all the hard work. I realized that flower gardening may not be my thing. Maybe I'm guilty of the same romanticism of manual labor to which Ashley speaks. Or maybe I struggle with utilitarianism, since I seem to atleast have more motivation when it comes to vegetables...

This is the beginning of a carrot.

My mom lives for flowers. She works at a flower farm and absolutely LOVES it. The other day we went there, and as we were picking out all sorts of flowers, I asked her if she could give me some examples of the environmental benefits of flowers. "I mean, I know they are aesthetically pleasing and everything... but what else do they do?" Shame on me. I have a lot to learn.


This is the Jenkinsons board walk in Point Pleasant, New Jersey. Sometimes we come after dinner to walk around, look out at the ocean, and experience the hub of neon lights, funnel cakes, arcade sounds, and very interesting new jerseyan people.
Here's me on the beach just beyond the boardwalk. It was cool the other night, which was refreshing :)

I can ride my bike here. I can ride my bike a lot of places here, which is new to me, and makes me really happy :). My mom is originally from New Jersey, but this is only her second year here in Point Pleasant, since getting remarried to my step dad. When I come here, it definitely doesn't feel like home, but I've been getting to know the place a little better. Recently I started packing up a lunch and going for bike rides exploring all afternoon. It's become my favorite pastime when I'm here.

We got ice cream and walked around, just mom and me. I explained to her what "life stories" are like at Gordon, and then I asked her to tell me her own consolidated life story. It turned into a really long conversation that continued all the way home and ended with us sitting in the driveway with the car turned off for about 45 minutes.

I learned a lot about my mom this week. About her past, about her present, about her heart and how it so differs from my own. Frankly, about how very different we are in general. Sometimes it can be a source of confusion, frustration, or a kind of ugliness that surfaces from a strange place inside of me, which I always feel awful about. We both agree that ever since I was young, often I've pretended I'm the parent and she's the child. Definitely more evidence of the pride that is wrapped around my heart like a great big weed choking it.

Yet at the end of a full day, completely worn out, I fell asleep on her lap as she rubbed my back. And I remembered once again that she's the mom, and I'm the daughter.

This is my Aunt Nancy, hiding behind a bushel of peonies. She, my dad's younger sister, lives in South Jersey, and I spent half the week with her and her family. I love hanging out with her. She's hilarious, bubbly, beautiful, and generous. Although we're so different, there is a certain joy and comfort we find in one anothers' company.


Tonight we celebrated Grandma Voli's 83rd birthday.

...

Ok now for the camping trip. For those of you who don't know, the organization I'm working with this summer is called Caretakers of God's Creation. Their goal is to work with churches and the Christian community at large to help them recover their responsibility to the earth, recognizing that how we treat the earth is deeply connected to our theology and faith.

The trip is called "sojourn to sacredness: an ecological theological sojourn". quite the mouthful, eh? for five days we are going to be hiking and canoeing along the appalachian trail/shenandoah river and meeting with various theologians and environmentalists along the way to have conversations.

To say I'm excited is an understatement.

This week has been restful, but now I feel like the summer I've been so busy imagining is about to begin. The "internship" that I've been planning and constructing and watching grow into new opportunities this whole semester is now starting, and my prayer is that I will enter into it with openness to learn, and the hardest thing, humility.

That I would be fully aware of God's undeserved grace and faithfulness in giving me the opportunity to grow, to explore new and familiar places, to farm, to meet new people and to learn from them. I'm longing for the ability to offer it fully to God, for Him to move however he chooses this summer.

I'll be thinking of all of you this week. It is such a privelege to know what you are all up to, and to be able to picture you in your various adventures. You are very dearly loved.

Neens

ps. ashley you should get side bangs.

i pretended yesterday was sunday.

...i had to. this week has been a bit draining, and i fear i have fallen under the trance of none other than the complaining monster - that stealthy, slimy creature that makes everything seem like a burden. (and i only wish everything was an understatement.) it's embarrassing. today while i picked strawberries with my mom, both of us straining our backs in the warm sun scanning the vibrant greenery for the brightest reds, i apologized. i apologized for complaining so easily. for being so easily discouraged and frustrated. she laughed and said, "you don't need to apologize to me, i didn't make it hot..." haha. i love my mom.

let me back up. this week i began working, actually the working began on saturday and in some sense has not seemed to have ceased since. i've been planting our garden, watering flowers and seeds and vegetables, weeding, mowing grass like there's no tomorrow, scrubbing patios, picking up sticks, dead-heading plants, raking, wrestling with lawn mowers, etc. this wouldn't be so bad, but this week it has been wicked hot. (new england, i hope you appreciated that adjective choice. haha) i mean, hot, humid, close to 100 if not over on some days. and friends let me tell you, this week i have been swallowing hard those words of "i just LOVE being outside!" because this week all i wanted was a swimming pool, a basement, an ice cream cone, maybe even a snowflake. how can it be that i can long for something for so long (say, the heat, for instance.) and then when it finally comes, i can turn around and be anything but content. like an infatuated teenager, my heart shifts. this tension in my heart weighed heavy this week. not only was i unsatisfied with the weather, but i also found myself easily discouraged with the work provided for me - and yet in my mind i heard myself saying, just a few weeks ago, "i cannot wait to do 'manual labor' as opposed to all of this studying and paper writing.'" ugh. i am constant like the shapes in the clouds. the complaining, the acknowledgement of the tension, and this overwhelming burden of knowing how much money i owe my dad wrecked me this week. i hated knowing that i should be spending my time working as much as possible, and also knowing that working was the last thing i wanted to do every single morning. (i came into the summer knowing i owed my dad about $800 for school and insurance, and then i got a flat tire (did you know tires are expensive? bummer.) friends, i hate letting money consume my thoughts. i let it happen so easily. i hate starting off the summer without a dollar to my name. but i'm determined to not let the money thoughts win this summer. God provides, this i know.)

so, all that jumbled mess to say that it's been a rough week.

but God is gracious.

yesterday the humidity finally threw up its hands. the wind returned; the sun gave us a break. i rejoiced. i had breakfast with my youth pastor and found my heart encouraged. i spent the afternoon reading and writing, thinking and praying. i finished a book. i practiced unicycling and harmonica. i drove around with ellie and her sister, emma. i pushed the neighbor girls on our tire swing and told them about my elementary school days. i went on a run. (and found a kitten!) i met with a friend and drank tea. i wrote a letter. it was good.

in the middle of my complaining this week, God reminded me of his presence- and the importance of practicing the presence of God, the discipline of doing all things for him, out of love for him. (he brought to mind the collection of Brother Lawrence's writings that i read second semester - how quickly i have forgotten those pieces that i first thought were so convicting! the spirit is willing, the flesh is weak.) he reminded me that he provides, and he knows best, better than i ever will. he's provided me with this work to do, it's a gift. he's given me these talents, if you will, and i must be faithful to them so that when the master returns i have something to offer back to him... (i'm still reading through the book of matthew.) i am asking for mercy in learning to do menial things with great love. i am trying to be grateful for those things that are far easier to complain about. it's hard. if you remember, pray that i can better practice the presence. pray that i will live with gratitude for all things, knowing everything i have is a gift. pray that i will learn to do the everyday things for God, not for me. (not even for money.)

and these things i complain about, are indeed gifts...

1. the flat tire enabled me to spend more quality one on one time with my dad. i learned how to change a tire. i learned more about cars. (haha woohoooo.)

2. the need to earn money convinced me to babysit tonight, to give up "my" friday night to hang out with two girls who are hilarious... and you know what? i got paid for chasing their chickens around the yard. haha we had quite the time trying to get them back in their little house. and guess what i realized? i'm really afraid of chickens. their beaks, their talons, their flapping wings. i love eggs, and someday i think i would love to have eggs fresh every morning from chickens... buuuuuuut chickens make me want to run in the opposite direction. haha i'm going to have to work on that.

i need to go to sleep. i have high hopes of waking early to make granola. (because my mom bought plain greek yogurt just for me! and i am dying to eat it with some fresh granola, man oh man.) also i'm getting my haircut tomorrow... might i get some kind of bangs?

so much love from this house with the windows wide and the lights dim.

work and wedding

Not to worry, it's not my wedding; it's my friends', Jon and Claire. They are two of my dearest, and they are getting married this Sunday. And even though I've barely been involved with the fittings, ironings, organizings, cookings and bustlings about, I have caught the greater vision of this event, and it is lovely. I'm not entirely uninvolved: some friends and I are playing music for the prelude and service, which I find to be a true honor. The whole atmosphere of this wedding has a lot to do with Claire and Jon's family of friends.

Also quite present in my summer life is Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, the seventh in the series. It's been fun to read something so enchanting and exciting. I had forgotten that reading could be easy. Today is a lovely day. Like the beach in September, at the end of the season when there aren't many tourists and you spend your days biking over the strangely flat landscape. Lancaster is wind and sun. I watched some kids today, as I have been and will all summer. We went to two parks, Square One Coffee, and the library.

Friends, I've been so busy. It has been fun, my spirits are up, and I feel extravagantly blessed by all I've encountered this summer; but, I haven't really relaxed much because I've been on the run. For me, relaxing is a challenge. I guess I haven't solidly learned the difference between being idle and being restful- so I just avoid both. I thrive on tasks and schedules, especially full ones. Memorial Day was a bit different- with my family, at my grandparents' house in South Jersey, we swam in the river and laid in the sun. We played Scattergories, my four siblings and I, and laughed ridiculously hard at (with?) each other. There have been moments of fun like this; but mostly work. Perhaps the trickiest part, like I said, is that I love, love, love this busyness. I can't get enough of it. So: I'd deeply appreciate prayers that I'd take resting seriously and have the patience to try it- and that the Lord would show what that looks like for me.

Some photos I stole off my sister's flickr.

this is Hudock's, a custard/ice cream stand on the road in my grandparent's town. there I ate dessert with my little brother, the older sisters, and their husbands.

this is earlier that day, at Claire's house. she invited some friends for lunch. eliza said she never takes photos of animals and babies because they turn out boring to anyone except their families. however, this one is pretty good and I trust you ladies not to scoff at the Battles' dog, who, after 12 years, I have finally become fond of. (YES!)

I love you all. It's been a huge privilege to read what's been said so far. I have been encouraged and emboldened to follow the Lord, knowing that we are all in that same pursuit.

Thank you so much, friends!

hannah b.