Let's Turn This Place Into an Irish Pub!

In the last two weeks I believe I reached a junction where my summer went from being, honestly, pretty lonely to being the summer I had imagined in my mind. The transformation commenced with a visit from a couple from Israel that my Dad knows, and truly this was such an honor having them stay in our home for a few days. There names were Moshe (Moses!) and Eitana Oren. I loved every minute with them, learning about everything from Israeli education and the army to Shabbat and what goes on at the synagogue and, of course, the Israeli/Palestinian conflict. We were reading Psalm 121 at breakfast one morning and upon recognizing the words began singing the Hebrew version they learned growing up! I found them to be very straightforward and honest people and they love to laugh and have a good time! After hearing all about their children and their experiences in the army (their youngest daughter, who is 18, enters the army this year and might train to be a pilot) I found my life to be so colorless and dull. They said their kids were taking turns hosting parties at their house every night while their parents were gone! Anyways, I know it was a blessing to me just to get to know them.

The day they left was particularly lonely, but everything has turned around since that day. I met three girls that are living in Bristol and interning for a Christian humanitarian organization based here. So far we've played a fun board game called "Ticket to Ride" and been out to the dam to watch the sunset and play ultimate frisbee ~ it's so nice to have a more lively social life once again. They are all very down to earth and non-intimidating, which is refreshing, and God is so merciful and good to provide their friendship in this time.

Yesterday was quintessentially summer for me - I met a friend from Gordon who happens to live in nearby Ashevill, NC and she told me about her experiences on the mission trip to India while we shared lunch, and then we walked around the Bele Chere festival downtown, an outdoor music and arts festival featuring local crafts, photography, jewelry, and plenty of street evangelists preaching messages of fire and brimstone. It was nice to be reunited with some Gordon kin and experience the free-spirited character of Asheville. That night my family went with some friends to a Scythian concert, and the experience could be likened to that of a rowdy Irish pub, without the booze of course, although there were several references to the beer-drinking section of the crowd. We were on our feet the whole time (they were very interactive), clapping, jumping and dancing to the rousing Celtic tunes and deep voices of Irishmen (actually they were Ukranian). It was SO MUCH FUN. I wish every day of summer ended with a live band and dancing.

The Lord is so good and I don't deserve his mercy. I'm slowly reading through the Old Testament, and I can only marvel at God's steadfast mercy towards the Israelites, even to this day, after all the moments he wanted to destroy them and their stiff-necked ways. I realize God is only seeking righteous people who will love Him with all their might and obey his commands, yet this is so incomprehensibly hard.

Love to you all on this beautiful day.

colorado isn't the only place with rocks. . .

MY SISTER NOW HAS ONE TOO!

(she and andy are engaged.)

they're getting married, people!

i'm the maid of honor.

my good friend matt is the best man.

it's going to be one big PARTY.

it might be happening as soon as november -

my mom is going a tad bit crazy.

i'm excited. (and let's be honest, a

little sad and nervous and nostalgic, too.)

(ok, they both might not like it if they saw this picture on the internet buuuuut, look how happy andy is! haha and let me tell you, he is so happy now too so i thought this did justice. haha this is them at nick's roast beef for the first time. my dad loves that place waaaaay too much.)

Moving on . . . I have not posted in a long time and for that I apologize. All of your posts however, are simply delightful as always.

Sarah, I do believe we are in a time machine! I am glad that I am not the only one who has felt crammed unwillingly into a time machine set on "as fast as possible." Seriously, almost August? Almost time to set out on all of our adventures? (and Nina and Claire, you are not left out of that! Every day is an adventure, my friends - and sometimes adventures in the midst of normalcy are the sweetest of all.)

Uh oh, I feel a ramble-y update coming on.

In most recent news, I just returned from Colorado! Friends it was lovely, breathtaking (quite literally and figuratively.), indescribable and oh so fun. I have been longing to go to Colorado for quite some time and finally being there was nearly magical. We spent the days hiking and exploring, two of my most favorite things. We saw the most magnificent sites and laughed as we crammed into my brother's little car. We went to a market and ate a lot of yummy food. We saw elk and snow cap mountains and the prettiest skies every day. One of my favorite moments was when Zach took me on a sunrise hike. I was nervous because I had never gone hiking in the dark before. (Zach hadn't either, and he was scared too though he tried not to show it.) But oh, it was lovely. We awoke at 3am, were on the trail by 3:40ish and reached the top just in time to see the sun cresting the horizon. About an hour and a half of our hike took place in the dark and oh my heart trembled. (especially when we passed a sign that warned us that "bear activity" was reported in the area a few weeks ago. I had zero desire to run into a bear in the dark.) I thought often of that verse in psalms, 'Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and light unto my path.' I told Zach about the chapel at Gordon, the one that shared how that verse means that God sheds light enough for one step, not enough to see down the whole path necessarily, but enough to take the next step. (because that's all we need, even though we argue otherwise time and time again.) The hike proved to be such a pleasant time with mybrother. I love him so and miss him when he's not at home.

[...a few photos. ]

.. i am trying to remember what else has happened in the past weeks. my days are still filled with babysitting mostly, and landscaping and grass. God is helping me to love the kids i babysit, to sincerely love them and speak to them with patience and gentleness and for that i am thankful. i think we are going to pick peaches next week and i am really excited for that! we baked cupcakes two weeks ago and oh it was fun. they love baking but their mom does not do it very often so it's always a pleasure helping them bake something tasty. i have had some pleasant conversations with fred, ethel, and michael while weeding and that has been a blessing too. michael is slowly inching his way into my heart despite his anything but speedy work habits, (haha) he really means well and has a kind heart, this i am learning. (oh to stop judging others! i do this far too often.)

my really good friend Laura is getting married this Saturday and that is CRAZY! ellie and i are both bridesmaids and our friend jeremy is the dj so it should definitely be a a great time, it's just so bizarre to think about such a dear friend getting married! (she is not quite one year older than me..., actually she's more like three months older than me- haha.) it will be my first time ever being in a wedding so i am really looking forward to sharing in such a special day, what an honor.

other than those things, i've still been playing soccer and whiffle ball a lot with friends*, swimming late at night, picking raspberries along the road, making zucchini bread, crafting, writing, reading, and soaking in these summer days that sift like sand through my fingers!

*on the note of playing soccer and whiffle ball however, i went to the doctor today to (ahem, finally...) get my knee checked out because it has (still) been rather sore lately and i need it to be in top condition for the wild semester. i was given some drugs and some instructions to stay off of it for the next 10 days. this is going to be hard but i know i must. i was thankful because the doctor was really thorough, knowledgeable, and friendly. (sometimes the doctors do not seem to do very much which is why i was hesitant to go in...) God is faithful in answering prayers. if you girls remember, please pray that it would heal and be ok for the wild semester... or just pray that i will trust God and learn to fully depend on him. i have often wondered if this is one of those things that maybe God will use on the wild semester to teach me a lot about humility and trust and faith.

i am still reading and thoroughly enjoying N.T. Wright's book 'Surprised By Hope.' it is making me think a lot and it's good. i'm still trying to memorize psalm 25 before august 21st. on another note, i feel like God has been teaching me a lot about his love recently, i feel like he has been saying something like, "Let me love you, fully without restraint. Do not seek satisfaction in other lovers, I want to satisfy you - I want to be enough for you." this is a hard lesson, my friends. i am so easily distracted. as we hiked a trail in Colorado i read a sign that read "If a forest at this elevation doesn't burn about every 50 years, the entire ecosystem suffers." i fear my heart is an overgrown forest. it needs a fire not every 50 years, but every day (perhaps every moment.) a multitude of weeds eat up sunlight in my soul. that which is good and beautiful is choked out. the cactus of 'what does everyone think of me' is running rampant. the thistles of 'what the future holds' trip my feet while the dandelions of pride and selfishness keep me from loving others. (and being loved.) i need God to daily burn away everything that is choking him out. (that is what i penned in my journal in colorado...)

fire burns, fires do not leave behind much. but what else do we need but Christ? (mewithoutyou says it well, "if i come without a thing, i come with all i need." you can listen to it here.)

this is long and ramble-y and perhaps unexpected. i need to go get ready for a little girl's night pre-wedding gathering tonight, hurray!

i love you all so much.

and here's a thought, what if we kept this up through the fall since we will continue to be apart from each other? i would really be glad.

here's hoping your days are filled with rhythms of rest, joy, and gratitude.

with a heart so full,

ashley

Oh ADVENTURE!

Dear friends,

I've loved hearing from each of you, and miss you immensely! Here we are, already coming to the end of the summer. It's hard to believe that after the end of this week, there will only be two more weeks of Adventure Camp! crrazzzzzy. unbelievable. are we in a time machine to the future??

Being a camp counselor, working so closely with a co and a j.c. (junior counselor), has definitely stretched me in many ways--but God has been so good and been teaching me much about communication, love, letting go, and having a grand old time! So, my first week was pretty difficult, and though it certainly hasn't been all flowers and sunshine since, there have been so many encouraging moments which continually renew my energy and remind me why I'm here this summer. Not only that, but why I absolutely love being here this summer. And truly, my friends, it has been such an incredible experience. I really love working with this age group (11-15). I love watching the group start out in the "forming" stage move through "storming" (and boy, oh boy, when it storms, its a real boomer!), and then into a phase where they are working together and encouraging each other and it melts my heart every time! The thing is, once we get to this point, its time to get a new group and we're back to forming and storming--that's the real difficult part. It's terribly sad to make so many connections throughout the summer and then never see them again..

It has been such a blessing getting to spend time with the rest of the staff--they're pretty swell! Last night we had girls night with delicious Bertucci's dinner and henna. We enjoy taking the canoes and kayaks out on Gull on weekends (or just swimming), playing games (I have learned more games than I will know what to do with this summer!) making sushi, going to the beach, Beverly, and even a couple of us climbed Mt. Washington. This weekend three of us are planning to camp out for the REI garage sale, it will be a first for me!

Alrighty, well, its just about dinnertime. I wish I could see you all!
if you think of it, would you pray that would be able to finish all of the homework and reading I need to accomplish before Aug. 6th? Thank you dear friends!
Much LOVE.

Sincerely,
Sarah

P.S.
Hannah & Hannah - Here's my address in London: Hampdon House, 2 Weymouth Street, London. I'll give you updates as I get them..

"and in naming, rise above time as it, flashing, passes"

Hello friends!

Coming to the realization that my life has been pretty dappled and full lately, I've been ignoring that equally potent realization that it is high time to blog. Well, I cannot ignore it any longer; here we stand.

Claire, Ashley, Genny, Nina, Sarah, Hannah. I love you all very dearly, and I miss your presences. I miss running into you all in Gillies at lunchtime, unexpectedly but somehow expectedly. I miss the palpable care you all take in listening and coming alongside both friends and strangers. Your lives have borne, are bearing, a lot of fruit. May the Lord allow you to fix your eyes ever more singlemindedly on Him!

Something that has really blessed me this summer is the song 'Kingfisher' by Joanna Newsom. One night, a few weeks ago, I listened very closely to these lyrics with two friends of mine, Jon and Claire. They just got married last month, and when I spent the weekend with them as their household's very first guest, I felt inordinately giddy and blessed. We had tea and coffee, and, sprawled on the floor, looked closely at the small-fonted lyrics of this 9-minute song, and analyzed them afterwards. Whenever we talk about Joanna Newsom, we come to the fresh conclusion that she is either a Christian, or just tangibly and unabashedly affected by Biblical images and ideas. This time, we were convinced that she's a believer. It's a beautiful long haul to listen to the song here, if you want to see what I mean. I've appreciated this line because it's the sort that teaches:

He was a kind unhurried man

With a heavy lip and a steady hand

But he loved me just like a little chid

Like a little child loves a little lamb

If Christ loves me, you, as sweetly and innocently and fully as a little child loves his pet lamb, then I can understand Him that much better. Thanks, Joanna!

The other day I had a very fun day with the kids I babysit. These kids are fun. They read in the dryer, run across "don't walk" streets trustingly with their impulsive babysitter, love popsicles & water balloons, aren't afraid of hot stoves (or anything, really), and have intense dance parties with their parents in the kitchen. They love adventures. Inspired by Ashley, last week I took them on the bus to Long's Park, a humongous farm that was gifted to the people of Lancaster city as a park about a hundred years ago. (I read the plaque.) There seem to be more playgrounds every time I go, so between those and the families of geese and ducks who were hungry for all the food we tossed at them, we had a good time. We must have played hard, because the boy (who is six) fell asleep on the return bus. His older sister took our picnic blanket, covered him up, and said, "He needs that more than we do right now."

Since I last wrote, I have gone, returned and been long home from vacation. It was a very rich and good time, friends. I wish I could tell you everything about it. Most of my family and two friends went out to Illinois (yay, birthplace of our own Claire M.!) for a Christian music festival called Cornerstone. This year was so wonderful. Cornerstone is one of the biggest festivals of its kind, (though only a fourth the size of Creation Festival, if you've heard of it) and is unique in its embracement of all kinds of art and culture: the fringe, the across-the-tracks, the "alternative." Going every year since I was 11, I've only slowly pieced this together over the last few years. It's my favorite place, and holds as many memories as Lancaster. In my mind, Cornerstone is: dust, families, nomads, midwesterners, hard rock/metal, guitars, guitars, guitars, a harp, big tents, small tents, sweat, lake, coffee, memories, friends, Christ, people both lovely in familiarity and fresh in newness. Three years ago, a dear friend of mine accepted Christ there. Last year, Jon and Claire got engaged there. When I was much younger, Cornerstone was a fun (albeit hot, sweaty and tiring) vacation that I, surprised, always found myself excited for. As I got older, my focus in life turned towards me, and things got less fun. Friends started to come, and instead of enjoying life together I would sulk that I wasn't the center of attention.

This year was good because I found myself enjoying things. God was awesome. He let me just be, without trying to impress or force or pretend. My sister Maggie's friend, also named Maggie, came along. Also along was our good friend Ross- he and I and all our siblings grew up together in Lancaster and are all still very close. A normal day at Cornerstone went thus: wake up in the tent. Scrounge for a bagel. Go get [excellent] coffee with Ross at the exorbitantly lovely coffee tent. Read. Go to the lake and swim with the Maggies. Hang around and languish in the heat with any and all fellow campsite members. Make dinner and eat at the campsite. See music at big striped tents. Go to bed. For these and many reasons, this week away was a huge blessing.

The other night my sister and brother-in-law, Eliza and Caleb, had a housewarming dinner at their 3rd floor apartment in Baltimore. Many friends were together. It was delightful.

Eliza's wearing the green dress.

Friends, I am so glad to be able to update such an interested and loving group of girls. Thank you for reading. And as much as I like to go on and on, pell-mell with stories and words, the main gist of what I want to say is this: God is been extremely kind to me this summer. It's the sort of thing that I, honestly, do not know what to do with. Do you know what I mean? I wish I could repay him, earn this goodness. This rich time of enjoyment, of people making each other's dreams come true around me and before my eyes. But it's a gift. Gifts are given, not bought. And so my lesson from this summer seems to be forming: we do nothing to merit God's grace. we receive, and we can be grateful. that's it. This keeps ringing in my head, but I don't want to believe it, but I do want to.

I think I'm beginning to.

Go under the mercy.

h.

My dad bought me a sunflower today

Dear friends,

It's been a while. And I apologize for the inevitably long post that will follow, due to that fact. I'll admit, I have not spent much time on the computer, keeping up to date with things such as this beautiful little blog. But I have just read through all of your recent posts, and this has left me encouraged.

Hannah V.- your post reminded me how much I'm going to miss your presence in the fall (that goes for all of you, really- Claire and I might just go crazy!). I do hope you are well, and that you are taking joy in all the gifts each day brings, like rain.

Sarah- It's hard to beleive you are at Gordon right now. It seems like a different world in my mind- a world that I can't wait to return to. I miss you dearly, and I pray that this next week with the campers brings you renewed encouragement. Also, I like your drawings a lot- keep them up!!

Ashley- we are due for a long conversation, but then again, when are we not? I always love reading your reflections. They are so full of truth and honesty

Genny- it seems like you are truly coming to appreciate the place you came from. That makes me happy :) I hope you are glad you decided go south for the summer.

Claire- Thank you for the dainty postcard! It made my day- first, to see that lovely picture of cabbage, and then to see the cheerful message from you. I hope you are soaking in every bit of summer these days.
Hannah- glad to hear you've been having fun playing music. I hope you are still enjoying being in the great town of Lancaster. And I hear you on your frustration and concerns of the notions of rest and work.

Now, here's a little bit about my summer. I'll try to keep it concise:

This is the beautiful and peaceful place I have had the privelege of working at for the past month. Appropriately named Shalom Farms They have chickens

and raspberries...

I learned how to drive a tractor,

and made friends with a really fun girl named Rosa (she's the other farm intern).

I have eaten yummy farm vegetables almost everyday,
and I have spent time in the city of Richmond, learning about issues of food security and delivering food to our various partners, like this youth farm stand.

But perhaps on of the most significant aspects of these past few weeks has been my conversations with this farmer:

Steve is in his mid thirties, is married with two adorable kids, and has a masters in theological studies from Vanderbilt. In just these few weeks, he has become one of the most influential people/ role models I have ever met. Our conversations have alternated between deep theological questions, to digging potatoes, to the contemplative life, and the meaning of work.

He has caused me to become even more passionate about the things I care about. He's also convinced me that I should consider going to divinity school one day (I am beginning to entertain the idea).

For those of you who have read him (Ashley I know for sure), he's basically a modern day Wendell Berry. I've learned a lot from him, to say the least.

I've also gotten to work a lot with Dominic, who works in the city with our partnerships. He is unbearably cool. In fact, everyone I've met who works for and with this organization is unbearably cool. In part because of their personalities, taste in music, and intelligent discourse. But moreso because of their apparent sense of contentment and joy in their work and life.

That part makes me look at my own life and realize how young and restless and place-less I feel. And also, I'll admit, a little jealous.

Not to mention I feel such a tension between the life I see exemplified by these kinds of people, and then the life that I have grown up in, with people (including my family and church family)who don't necessarily acknowledge the same realities that I do.

Living at home has been a very good, and challenging, experience. My heart has been working hard to reconcile those differences and tensions. I have had a few bouts with escalated frustration and grief at the sheer brokenness of things, which I seem to feel more acutely in contexts where there are shiny but transparent venirs over it all (the suburbs).

Needless to say, once again, I thank God for friends like you. You all are a constant reminder and symbol to me of Real life. So thanks for being that, and keep it real.

Love,
Nina

how bout that?

Many happy returns

good morning! i hope these words find each of you well.

this past week i've been house sitting for a friend. my sisters or brother take turns coming over to hang out with me - we spend most of the time swimming in the pool, sleeping in the sun, and eating ice cream. I've been reading; switching between novels and books about Lithuania and other things. It's been pretty swell.

My mind is sometimes here, but most often it's in England or Lithuania or any of the other places I'm hoping to visit. Summer has gone by so quickly - it's hard to believe that in a month's time I'll be off again. There is an airport close to this house, so when I'm outside I see a lot of air traffic, a lot of planes taking off. I always wonder where people are going, always imagine myself back in those familiar seats.

I miss you ladies and think of you often. Whenever I'm doing some activity - whether it's riding my bike, swimming in the pool, going to the beach, hiking...anything really - I always think of how great it would be to have you all here with me, doing the same thing.

I'm off to babysitting today! I've been so surprised by how the Lord has provided odd jobs here and there for me, and reminded of how faithful He is and that He works in His way and His time. (something to keep in mind when fretting over my future!)

I read these in Psalm 18 this morning:

"He reached down from on high and took hold of me; he drew me out of deep waters...He brought me out into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me." v. 16&19

"As for God, His way is perfect: The lord's word is flawless; he shields all who take refuge in him. For who is God besides the Lord? And who is the Rock except our God? It is God who arms me with strength and keeps my way secure." v.30-32

It actually rained this morning - joy! Well, I'm off to get dressed for the day!

Love you all!! xoxo

Always,

Hannah V

p.s. the photo is from a Lithuanian children's book. isn't it beautiful?

Wild Ponies and Rainbows and an Air Force Jet

Hello!

I returned yesterday from a delightful overnight backpacking trip in the Grayson Highlands State Park in Virginia. I went with my pastor's wife, Betsy, and two dear friends I've grown up with. It was an invigorating two days hiking through fern-laden forests and over grassy balds, encounters with sociable wild ponies and late night conversation. We were taking a break on a big rock face during lunch and watching a pony roll around on her back while a colt was chasing buzzard turkeys and galloping in endless circles. This colt seemed quite playful and mischievous but its mother didn't seem to notice at all haha. Then, suddenly, we hear this loud noise in the distance and, out of the blue, an Air Force jet wizzed by. We played a card game called "Garbage" and talked about our different college experiences in the coziness of the tent while rain fell outside. Betsy talked about a book she read called "1000 Gifts," which started out as the author's journal for keeping account of daily moments of thanksgiving. She talks about the Greek word eucharistos, which means thankful, and the word charis, which means grace. Grace, according to the Greek Lexicon, is that which affords joy, pleasure, delight, sweetness, charm, and loveliness. We talked about the importance of finding this grace in ordinary moments and giving thanks to God, which is a good lesson for me in the midst of many uneventful days.

Some nights my parents and brother and I gather to sing songs while my mom/brother play guitar. My favorite has always been "Blessed Be Your Name" ~ Every blessing you pour out I'll turn back to praise/ When the darkness closes in Lord still I will say/ Blessed be the Name of the Lord/ Blessed be your Name.

We went to my second cousin Christina's wedding in NC, which was a fun family affair complete with fun times with cousins and aunts and uncles and lots of dancing! I've enjoyed getting to know my relatives better as I get older and hearing stories from them about my great grandparents and great aunts and uncles. Christina wore the wedding dress that her grandmother, her mother, and her two aunts all wore for their weddings!

I pray that you all are having/will have a blessed week, and Claire's idea sounds splendid, if only we could all be whisked away from our various duties.

I love you all and I'm thinking of you,

Genny

hello there dear friends!!

I was just sitting here wishing that we could all stroll up this mysterious path, plop down in the grass, and just chat... with of course the accompaniment of a delicious picnic and all you musical folk playing music. that would make this day very grand indeed!

you are all the bomb. never forget it!!

missing you

c

"Oh how you take delight in vexing me!!"

Greetings from our beloved Gordon on this warm and sunny Independence Day!

I miss you all as I imagine you gathering with family and friends to cookout out, watch fireworks, and/or run around with sparklers in the dark. While my family is far away, I do find myself surrounded by wonderful Gordon people and great friends. This morning I went for a swim in Gull with some fellow Adventure Camp staff, and picked some lettuce from the Gordon Garden for our cookout out in back of Conrad for dinner. It was a BEeaaaauutiful Day! A refuge day! :)

It's such a strange feeling being here on an empty campus. Yesterday evening I laid down in the middle of the quad with not a single person in sight. It's lonely, but peaceful at the same time. It makes me so grateful for everyone living here in Gedney! And they are a great bunch! This has definitely been a summer of learning: Tung So Do, Group power Yoga, Swing dancing, piano, kayaking, and mountain biking. I've been able to try and learn so many wonderful things, and meet so many incredible people. My roommate and I try to run to West beach a couple times a week and she tells me of her travels in Chili and Argentina.

While all of this has been truly wonderful, and God has definitely been blessing me abundantly, this last week was one of the most difficult and stressful weeks I can remember in a long while. My campers were.. something else. Granted, I am unused to the company of middle-schoolers, and it is easy to sit from a lofty seat and point fingers, but these kids were so mean, so selfish, sarcastic and soo oo frustrating. Not all the time. I am angry, but more so grieved. These kids are so sure of themselves, and yet so unsure of themselves. They believe so many lies, and refuse to believe the truth because of "some internet source." I think the worst part of it is that I feel as though I failed in many respects as their counselor. With these kids I felt totally out of control, as if there was nothing I could do. Instead, I watched one camper struggle with an eating disorder, others started "gossip group" at lunch, snickered at outsiders, and make up wild stories about my co-counselor being a drug addict. I felt as though I was already constantly correcting them, telling them why this and this was wrong, but it didn't seem to make much a difference. Okay, I don't mean to sound like such a downer. There were some beautiful, redeeming moments in the interactions of my group. And God was definitely there..though it didn't always feel like it.

I would really appreciate some prayer going into week two. The thing is, I don't even know what to pray for... everything?! That I would love God more and remember to call out on Him throughout the day. That I would be a better counselor. That I would love my campers. Thank you dear friends for reading and supporting me! It means so, so, so very much. MUCH LOVE.

Sincerely,
Sarah

P.S.
I have been trying to draw little pictures every day with little captions. I wanted to share a couple with you!

july gave me no warning.

my dear friends,

how i miss each of you. so much, especially this week for some reason...your thoughts, conversations, and hearts are absent in an evident way. i keep checking on this little blog and feeling a sigh of disappointment that it has not been updated - and then i remember that i have not updated in a few weeks either... so here i am, ceasing to be a hypocrite. haha

let's see. hannah mentioned about her show. and oh, her words ring true. it was such a joy and honor to be a part of - how glad my heart is for hannah and her musical talents. God has gifted our dear friend and others are reaping the benefits of her incredible melodies. praise God.

that show took place on the Sunday that i returned from my family reunion. . . (we go to the bouncefunplex Friday night, and Knoebels (a family friendly amusement park with free admission, parking and FUN! ;) haha) on Saturday and hang out my grandparent's cabin the moments inbetween.)

(we always ride the carousel first, and this was the first year my grandparents rode it with us! wooohooo! they loved it. haha)

thank you for your thoughts and prayers - the weekend was a true blessing. a blessing in the sense of the word that it contained everything that is life, including joy and sorrow, ache and hope. it was exhausting and heart wrenching at times, but also beautiful in ways that words cannot describe. tears rolled down my face as we drove home, tears of both gratitude and longing. i was specifically thankful for moments and conversations that God stirred between my cousin Laura and i. Laura is older than me - she has two small boys who are so great and adorable and i often think of her more as my aunt than my cousin. i digress... we often found ourselves helping prepare food in the kitchen or walking side by side and in talking we discovered that we both are really interested in gardening and food, being healthy, making sure kids play outside, etc. etc. it was such an encouragement talking to someone else in my family so interested in such things. especially someone older and wiser than me. from there conversation moved smoothly and gradually to God, to church and heaven, questions and hardships and struggles - i was amazed at how open laura was with me with various spiritual subjects. her husband david grew up in a strict catholic background and he is very hesitant and wary of all that is church. he is also quite the workaholic and sometimes struggles to make time for family. laura expressed this struggle with me, as well as her intentions and desires to belong to a church body, her desire to return to God. one conversation even turned to heaven and it was really neat hearing that we both have been thinking about heaven recently, in very different ways, but the commonality of subject brought thought-provoking conversations and for that i am so thankful. spending time with laura was such an encouragement to me and i wish so badly that she did not live all the way in wisconsin.

on sunday to end the weekend we had our own little church service as a family. (it's always hard to know how to handle sunday mornings when our family tends to be all over the map when it comes to wanting to know God...) my mom had this idea that we should all just go around and share one thing from our year to sort of catch up the family on where we are in life since most of us only see each other that one weekend out of the year. my friends, i was floored with the authenticity and honesty expressed within the group. more of my family members alluded to spiritual experiences/times of God pursuing them than i would have dreamed! it was such an encouraging time sensing that perhaps God is answering prayers, perhaps he is finally softening hearts and breaking down walls... oh goodness it was lovely. and i am so so thankful.

we returned from the reunion weekend and brought with us Jessica and Jonah. Jessica and Jonah are children to my Aunt Janet (my mom's younger sister) who passed away suddenly three years ago. When she was still alive, we used to "trade children" for weeks in the summer - we would go down to Virgina for a week, ride horses and play in the rolling hills of Virginia loving every second of it - and then her children would come here for a week and we would do whatever we do at my house. haha So anyway, we still wanted to have special time with Jessica and Jonah (they are now 7 and 13 respectively.) so this was the 2nd year they came to spend time at our house for a week. (Thankfully, my uncle is ok with them still coming, though it's hard for him to see them go for a week.) It's always bittersweet spending time with them. They remind me so much of my aunt, they stir up so many memories. I remember specifically one moment when Jessica was sitting in my hammock chair and I was trying to recount to her a story of her mom, her "other" mom. Tears came to my eyes as she failed to remember and her thoughts drifted quickly to the next subject, not really caring about my sentimental attitude and deep desire for her to understand the incredible person her mom was. It aches to know that she has no memory of my aunt. She was four when she passed away and now that my uncle is remarried, I think Jessica forgets that she even had another mom. . . it's good that children can move on, and it's good that Jessica has a new mother, but the ache is still there. And sometimes I still don't know what to do about it, but it's ok. God is good and provides space for reflection and tears as well as joy and hope. All in all, the week with them was good - exhausting for sure, but good.

Other than those things, I have just been working - but working has been going well. I have been finding joy in the little things - finding purpose in weeding and mowing and hanging out with children. My attitude has shifted towards mowing and weeding and I find myself dreading it less and less, praise God! Reading Wendell Berry has been helpful in this, being reminded that all things are holy, all things contain the living breath of God. (Man, I should not wait so long to update this, so much I want to say!...) I have been making room for both friends and family and that has been good for my soul, too. My friends and I have been playing a lot of soccer and whiffle ball lately so that's always a good time. I've been making food and spending time with my parents, a true joy.

One crazy note on babysitting - an item of prayer, for sure. Quite out of the blue, my children have this huge interest in voodoo dolls. They were away last weekend and came home with two. When we went to the library they wanted to check books out on Voodooism and had all these questions that I had no idea how to answer. Not wanting to let them check those books out on my library card, I was really thankful that they were already checked out. (although it made me sad, knowing that there are children's books on Voodooism. and it also made me sad that they were checked out, you know?) Oh friends, it's frightening! I'm not sure what I'm supposed to do. I know very little about Voodooism...hardly enough to explain it to an adult, let alone a child. Your prayers are appreciated. I never saw this coming and I do not know what I am supposed to do about it. It's weird. I feel small and powerless and dumb. (but I know that's the devil, I know God trumps every evil spirit. I must cling to that.)

Other than that, you can pray for my relationship with God in general. I do not know how to attach words to it, but I've been struggling. struggling to seek wholeheartedly, to love, to be obedient and listen - and mostly to make time for God. I am missing each of you and your inspiring presence. Pray for a deep desire to know God, to cherish his Word and hold it in my heart - and to trust him with everything I am. Trust is something that I lack and I am consistently reminded of that. I am just starting to read the book Surprised by Hope (by N.T. Wright) and also trying to memorize Psalm 25 before the end of summer. Memorization is a discipline (as is running and biking and waking early... I am learning about discipline this summer too.)

Well, I apologize if this is a ramble-y mess but that's about all I have right now. It's Sunday and we're off to a family cook-out this afternoon (because really, what is the 4th of July without at least one cook out? haha) later hopefully some fireworks will be watched, and tomorrow we are boating with some old family friends. (Nina, we're boating with Hannah and her family - the one we stayed with in Philly :) ) It's been a good weekend thus far and I am so thankful for the time off.

I sincerely hope you all are thriving and finding joy in your summers. I echo Hannah's thoughts - keep writing! It's always a delight to read your words.

with a heart so full,

ashley